A blog you say? Is that really a good idea considering my
current mental state?! Indeed it is! My current mental state is precisely why I’ve
decided to start a blog!!!
My reasons are thus: last night I deleted my facebook,
twitter and ‘Plenty of Fish’ profiles off the back of a shitty weekend
involving copious amounts of alcohol (unplanned: I wasn’t even meant to be out)
and following on from a few weeks of erratic, borderline bipolar highs and lows
where one minute I think and profess that I’m ‘absolutely bloody marvellous’
and the next I’m wondering what on earth happened because I feel like crap
again.
You see I’m one of those people, (I just can’t help it, I’ve
tried not to) who absolutely has to commit any thought that enters their head
to the world of social media. I don’t know if it’s because I find it cathartic
to just ‘get it all out there’. Maybe I’m just an attention seeker. Maybe it’s
a not-so-subtle cry for help: I always get support from my genuine friends when
I express so much as a ‘:(’.
But the problem with social media is, that whilst it’s
hilarious to those reading it when you’re passing a general, often humorous, frequently
profane (sorry, I swear a lot, this will probably come up at some point in this
blog) comment on the world around you… not so much so when the thoughts exiting
your mind and entering the social media stratosphere belay your questionable
mental state and impart personal feelings to people who, let’s face it, are not
really your ‘friends’. Maybe about 12 out of 265 ‘friends’ are really genuinely
your friends.
So to satisfy whatever underlying need it is that I have to
get it all out there, and to protect my anonymity and that of those around me,
while I bitch and moan my way through it all, here goes my blog!
I actually wish I’d done this much sooner, a sort of
reflection on my journey over the last 6 months. It certainly would have been
interesting for me to document it all and be able to read it back, if nothing
else to think ‘WTF???’ or ‘Jesus. Get a fucking grip’ (told you there’d be
swearing). There could have been some funny stories too, following my foray into
the world of 'POF'. Honestly, what was I thinking? And I’ll so be back on there at some
point, who am I kidding?! So here’s the first blog comment I’ll no doubt be reflecting on
in a few weeks’ time!
So what’s it all about aye? This blog of mine?
Well it’s going to be about my impending divorce; my current
separation from my soon-to-be-ex-partner of over 11 years/ husband of only 13
months (as we go to ‘press’).
Now that I’ve decided to do this I suppose I should start by
giving a bit of background as to how I got where I am and why we split, which I’ve
found over the last 6 months to be a really common theme with lots of other
people who I would never would have thought felt the same way as I did or had experienced the exact same emotions and circumstances. And talking about
it has helped me so much with the torturous thoughts and emotions I’ve
struggled with over the last 6 months. So, maybe this will help someone reading
it? And maybe it’ll only help me. But as one of my best friends keeps telling
me: be selfish, be number one for a while, do whatever it takes to get you over
this. So what the hell, I’m going to do it and if you can’t be bothered to read
on then it’s not like it’s going to matter to me. I’m being selfish after all :P
But hey, let's not start heavy! I'll get to the background bit later, because I'm also trying to get a degree assignment on globalisation impact on human resource management written, so I best go spend a bit of time on that first!
Female, 31, Separated.
